Premier League Soccer Picks and Predictions for MatchWeek 34

Uhhhhh, what the fuck did I just watch? With no EPL bets on Saturday my only hope was that Tottenham could find a way to just be moderately competent so that I wouldn't have to start ripping tequila shots at 8:30 AM. Sadly, I had the Jose Cuervo bottle in my hand before breakfast. Then came Sunday, where West Ham and Arsenal both pissed down their legs at home and Villa comfortably took control of the last UCL spot, leaving me in absolute fucking shambles. As a Spurs fan I’m certainly used to having the soccer season end with sadness, and it looks like this year will be no exception.

Are there positives? Sure, Arsenal are trying their hardest to not win a trophy which is about all I have left to care about and my golf game is starting to round into form which is nice.

But, the Prospector household is otherwise a bleak place these days. Hopefully things go better this week so that my wife doesn't have to listen to my constant moaning. She's the true victim here.

MORE: Premier League Best Bets 

Premier League Best Bets - Week 34

Luton Town vs. Brentford: Saturday, April 20 - 10 AM EST

The fact that this Luton side even have a chance of surviving is pretty miraculous. Sure, their chances have been helped by the two teams above them losing points for financial violations, but on paper this side is probably the worst in the EPL. I expect they probably will still get axed, but they should be praised for what they’ve done before returning back to where they belong.

Unfortunately, those words of praise are my way of being nice before I tell them to “get fucked” in bet form. The gap between the bottom 3 and everyone else can easily be summed up by their goals conceded. Each has given up at least 68 goals (Sheffield being the gold standard with an impressive 84), and the next closest is 58. Luton concede over 2 goals per match and havent kept a clean sheet in almost 3 months. Basically, when you can get a decent number on their opponent’s goals, you take it.

So, with Brentford TT over 1.5 at -110, I’m going to dive right in like one of those Chinese Olympians who win every gold medal (yeah, I’ve brushing up on my Olympics knowledge for Paris). You simply cant expect Luton to keep anyone off the board, and Brentford are decent enough offensively to get over this line. Maybe the Hatters’ desperation for survival sees something miraculous happen on the defensive end, but nothing they’ve done this season makes me believe they will. Time for the bees to swarm.

⛏️ Sam's Pick: Brentford TT Over 1.5 (-110) -1.1U

⚽️ MORE: Luton Town vs. Brentford match prediction

Wolves vs. Arsenal: Saturday April 20 - 2:30 PM EST

Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, still shame on you because fuck you for fooling me. Despite our BTTS bet biting us in the ass last week because Arsenal couldnt score at home, I’m going right back to the well here. Hopefully I dont fall in again.

The crucial thing about this match that makes this bet enticing is that Arsenal’s position has completely changed. They’ve often looked cautious in recent weeks, trying to avoid mistakes rather than trying to find chances, but with almost no margin for error left this is a match where they’ll have to be aggressive. And, as the second highest scoring team in the league, I find it very hard to believe they’ll get blanked again.

On the other side, Wolves have been solid offensively and have been shut out at home just once all season. They arent likely to put up a big number, but I think they have enough to find one, especially with Arsenal’s UCL fixture buildup. This game feels like 1-2 or 1-3 for me, making BTTS at -120 the best way to attack it.

⛏️ Sam’s Pick: BTTS (-120) - 1.2U

⚽️ MORE: Wolves vs. Arsenal match prediction

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